LUCY! im HOME!

Hello all.

I am sorry for my absence. However, this absence has not been in vain. I was busy trying to get through my first semester of my senior year...and boy did I not try. I was way too busy trying to find myself, planning foam parties, chasing tail, getting over ex- lovers, boozing and singing to my hearts content (drunk and sober).

I did do a lot of firsts , and seconds HA!...but that's for later or maybe never.

I've all of a sudden become infatuated with the thought of being a musician. Idk if that will work out. Im starting to think that i dont have a good voice.

After quitting ciarettes and trying not to drink and curse anymore, i think my voice is getting bad. Maybe i gave up my chemical X.


Next semester is approaching at a rapid rate, and im a little frightened to "start my adult life". My fun cannot be over this fast...whatevs, i'll try to deal.

this break has been pretty cool though. ive been getting trashed a lot. I can finally see the fun in drinking until the lights become blurry. Its fun when your with people you trust.

i did one thing, that was horrendously regrettable, but ooo so funny; after getting dropped off from an amazing adventure that night, my mouth automatically opened and i spewed mickey-d's special sauce all over my driveway. it was like a drunken dance of me gracefully trying to not get it on my clothes, while still walking and still yakking (it was nothing a little snow couldn't cover).

New york has been our destination for partying and wondering the streets and subways aimlessly.

there are some strange characters out in the early AM of the magical city we call New York.

I tell you, i would love to buy a flat and live there. This slow-paced, jersey suburban life is not for me. However, i still am not sure what is for me...but it def. aint here.

New years was particularly fun. We partied in Brooklyn, the best place ever. I hung out with my bff(mo), my long lost bff(mae), my cousins, and some crazy ass people from all over this country.

No details tonight-just major facts.

apparently im a light weight drinkger now after this crazy detox diet i went on after school ended: raw oats, soymilk, nutmeg, vanilla extract and brown sugar (tastes like success). Now im on this Hindu diet where i eat really hot foods(burns going in and burns going out).

well i was a mess, i hooked up with 1 girl, and then kissed up with another girl right infront of her. bad deal, i think i like the girl i kissed first. i wasnt very suave about it either, but the setting was nice (brooklyn rooftop alone, with fireworks in the background) and that awkward mood of "do it already" set in.

sadly i dont remember if it was well received and i dont think thats a question you can ask a chick...whatevs.

i DJ-ed that night. yes, i was the tool who plugged in my I-pod without permission and rocked out to indie/ 80's ballads, that however was well received.

this typing thing is becoming too much...so im going to subsize all this.

we went to a pizza joint. i spoke to 3 underage girls that they shouldnt be this late out( they were 14, it was 3am)

tried to get a cab to head to another party, none stopped for us.

walked to the subway. waited there forever, took pictures, laughed a lot, and smashed wine bottles we finished and stole from the last party.

on the train, i decided to pass around this bottle O vodka that wound up in my hand to all these diseased strangers. all this while starting a mini-riot on that L train, i have never influenced that many strangers in my life to yell, sing, swing and stomp as hard as they did that night. we had the train swaying from all the feet pounding, it was a beautiful drunken mess.

made some friends got into a mini dance off with an angry, tiny-gay asian man i thought was a woman for the longest time.

by this time, i dont know how i did it. but i was able to walk...this is where the black out occurs. when i start to black out, (which has happened twice to me in my short life) i become very mean...and boy do i say some nasty things. apparently i tried to fight 4 strangers that night because one spoke about Jamaica...do i remember this no, but the people i was with stories are the same so i guess i have to believe it.

it was a colorfully fun night, with many new and exciting occurrences. I didnt die and learned many lessons ( the next morning of course).

Life is becoming an adventure again.

My slow decent into celibacy...

Not so recently I started reading the book Island. It is amazing and the reason I've been reading it for so long is because I don't want it to end. I've realized that when I read a good book and I'm drawing close to the end, I tend to slow down my reading pace. I want to remain in the story for as long as possible, but like all things, this too must come to an end.

A little synopsis on Island: A news reporter has landed on an island called Pala. When he reaches, he is surprised to see how advanced, peaceful and sufficient the Palanese society is. The book then goes into how their society has become this hidden Utopia.

Island has somewhat become a Bible for me. It has changed the way I think and the way I want to do things.

I was raised in a very religious christian household, and the church has always been a very important "hub" in my life.


A lot of people believe now that religion is the root of many evils in the world. But the cool thing about Island is that religion plays a pretty big part in how these people have created this Utopia, and the way they go about it is very simple, and quite clever( Kudos! to Aldous Huxley).

The key to their success, is the merging of 2 different religions, logic and...SCIENCE! The palanese merged Buddhism, Hindu and western liberal philosophies of what you see is what you get.

This book has struck such a chord in me, that I wanted to experience palanese culture for myself(or get as close to it as possible). Thus being one of the motives for what became an epic journey to a Buddhist monastery.

• I started researching about Buddhism last summer ( just to make sure that it wasn't any demonic stuff) and I found it fabulous...I thought that was as far as it would go.

• My roommate at school and I have some pretty deep discussions about an array of topics. One that comes up from time to time is religion. He always raises really good points on the issues, but I am never thumped, I always have an answer. He is an atheist, and told me once that if anyone could help him believe in God again it was me.

  Wow! Shock to the brain.

  He believes religion is my calling. I always brushed that part off though.

• I met this girl at this volunteer-help-feed/clothe-the-homeless type thing. We went on a "kinda date" and saw this indie flick Management, which I thought was a really good movie (mostly because of all The New Pornographer songs in it) . The critics didn't really like it, but in most of the reviews, it seems as if they forgot it was a comedy. Anyways, in part of the movie our lovable protagonist, Steve Zahn is told by his friend Al (whose character was my favorite), to stay to this Buddhist monastery to get over a girl he loved.

  ...I didn't know you could do that, and I wanted to do it.

  He stayed there for a few days, figured out what he needed to figure out from the wise head Buddhist, and it just looked like an awesome experience.

That next day I started looking online and calling around for Monasteries that allow pupils to board. I found one! Dharma Drum which is located in upstate New York...I think.
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I arrived at the place Saturday, June 6th around 5:30PM, ready for some dinner. The place was beautiful, trees everywhere, and the animals were not afraid of my human presence( they were within arms length of me). I was greeted by a short, young, bald white male who reminded me of my high school math teacher Mr. Wilson.

I was very open to everything, but I wasn't expecting this white guy (Haha, found his pic! guy in middle) to be my wise guru of the Buddha path.

He welcomed my in to eat and my first meal there was atrocious! I walked into a building which was poorly lighted and 3 people already seated. Buddhist are supposed to be vegetarians, and there was a small variety of vegetarian options. I got some of the soup and tofu. the soup was bland, and the tofu was spicy. I took a pretty good mouthful and nearly coughed it up. In their defense I was warned by the old Asian man to sample it first. I filled myself with PB&J.

After the mediocre dinner, I was showed to my quarters, and was invited on a tour by the short, young, bald white male who reminded me of my high school math teacher Mr. Wilson, Chen Wen( his Buddhist name).

The sun was setting and it was beautiful as we hiked past the lake. I asked him many questions as we walked; his views on sex, life, people, emotions, love.

He continually impressed me with his answers. We started walking through some really tall trees, and it sounded as if it were drizzling, but there was no rain. Then Chen Wen speaks"Its raining shit, caterpillars are amazing aren't they." I was a little taken aback that he cursed, but it was refreshing.

After our hike he told me that I had time for myself until 9pm where everyone meets in the contemplation hall for meditation.

At 9, all started heading to the contemplation hall. In the room men sat on the right half and women on the left. After a quick tutorial on my sitting position we began. We were to meditate for 50 minutes :O! I find it hard to sit for 2 minutes in silence, I didn't know how I was going to do this for 50.

• 5 minutes into it, my thoughts were clouding my head.
• 10 minutes into it, I started singing the song Broken strings (beautiful song)in my head.
  
  
  
  
  
• 20 minutes, my leg starts to fall asleep on me..."you can't play on broken strings...".
• 25 minutes, I really want to rearrange myself, but it was so awfully quiet "...that your heart don't want to feel"( I could not get the song out of my head).
• 30 minutes, I rearrange, and then a get the pin and needles sensation in my foot. UGH!" the truth hurts..."
• 31-40 minutes in I continually rearranging myself . "...and lies worse"
  
• 45 minutes, I start looking around at everyone, wondering if they are in as much distress as I "...and I love you a little less".
• 50 minutes, DING! the bell rings, its over.

Walking back to the dorm, that wise old Asian man (he sat beside me during mediation) finds me and asks if that was my first time doing sitting meditation. I said yes, and he responds with, " You have a long journey ahead of you." I chuckled to myself. I really did appreciate his honesty, and the humor behind it, lol. What a cute old man.

To be continued...